Yessir

Yessir, the god of following absurd orders, was originally written for the Expanded Petty Gods project by Gorgonmilk. There were a lot more chaotic godlings submitted at that time, so I tried to come up with a cool lawful petty god.

Name: Yessir
Symbol: A full visor helmet with a fist held to the temple
Alignment: Lawful
Movement: 120' (40')
Armor Class: By armor, reduced by 5 (for descending AC)
Hit Points (Hit Dice): 72 hp (16 HD)
Attacks: 1, see below
Damage: By weapon, see below
Save: F20
Morale: 12
Hoard Class: VI
XP: 6,000

Yessir is the god of following absurd orders and a favorite among soldiers of many armies. Out of the ordinary for a lawful god, he is only revered in secret, as openly worshipping him is usually treated as a major offense and punished accordingly. His covert followers are legion in both senses of the word, but they are unorganized. All veneration is clandestine and only shared with true comrades-in-arms.

Privates pray to Yessir every time they are given an order that is, in their opinion, pointless, ineffective or futile. The high art of quick prayer to Yessir consists of uttering his name while in the presence of superiors who have given the order, then mumbling a quiet rebuttal, and following it with touching their temple with their fist as soon as they feel unobserved. The faithful believe that the better the rebuttal and the more pronounced the gesture, the more help Yessir will provide as they fulfill the absurd order. There are untold legends of soldiers on a suicide mission miraculously surviving only through the divine intervention of Yessir.

Yessir appears as a soldier in armor customary to the world where he manifests. His armor is always of the highest quality, well-kept, and donned perfectly. His face remains ever hidden behind a helmet with a full visor. He wears military insignia of the lowest rank.

If Yessir is directly involved in a battle, he never breaks battle formation and always fights on the front line. He wields any weapon that a low-ranking soldier might carry with brutal efficiency. He always rolls an additional damage die and any 1s rolled for damage become the highest possible result for the die instead.

He can command allies and enemies alike within earshot. Yessir’s orders are usually extremely absurd but not lethal on their own. He can give one order per round, but he can never try to command a single target more than once per battle. If the target fails a saving throw against spells, he has to comply with the order.

If a soldier requests help or protection while following an order from a superior, there is a chance that Yessir will assist him. Roll a d20 and apply the soldier’s Wisdom modifier. Additional bonuses may be given at the GM’s discretion, based on how dutifully the soldier has followed orders recently (any disobedience should be punished with negative modifiers), how well the quick prayer was performed, and how absurd the order was. Yessir’s support will vary depending on the roll, but a result of 20 or higher is required to gain his attention. His help can range from minor protection (e.g. a small AC bonus) to a manifestation of Yessir himself. Yessir will never aid a soldier to fulfill a reasonable order or if the soldier does not intend to fully execute the order. Yessir only answers prayers from members of the military or decorated veterans.

Dworfen Kaosmobile

+Luka Rejec asked me to "stat up the noble steed" he drew for his Dworfs of Anarchy, so I did (for the DCC RPG):

Dworfen Kaosmobile: Init as driver; Atk hit and run +2+INT modifier of driver (1d6 per 10' distance of acceleration (up to 10d6), every damage die showing a 6 results in a broken bone and losing a point of Strength or Agility); AC 18 (every passenger receives +2 to AC); HD 3d8+14 (any magical fire attack that does at least 8 damage to the Kaosmobile will make it explode, doing 2d6+8 damage to every passenger); MV 100’ (turning takes 1 round); Act n/a; SP breachcruisin'; SV Fort +8, Ref as driver, Will n/a; AL C.

"The Dworfs shall ride once more into the breach. For Kaos and Light." - illustration by Luka Rejec

Check out Luka's blog Cauldrons & Clerics.

More Magic Shields

As requested by +Joel Priddy and inspired by +Courtney Campbell's On a Magical Shield, here are some more magic shields.

Magnetus

This iron shield has a protrusion with a coiled wire around it. When activated by pressing a button on the handle, it creates a humming sound. Any attack with a metal weapon that misses to hit by one or two points results in the weapon clinging to the shield, requiring a complete action and successful strength check to free the weapon. Any attack on a fighter that is holding onto a weapon currently clinging to Magnetus receives a +1 to hit.

Ith-Narmant's Shadowshield Glove

When not in use, it looks like a pitch-black glove that does not reflect any light. When activated by clenching one's empty hand, a disk of magic shadow forms instantly at the back of the hand, protecting the wearer like a normal shield.

The shadowshield provides an additional +2 AC against attacks with any fire or light-based weapons as well as a +2 bonus on saving throws versus any fire or light-based magic or effect. The saving throw bonus also applies while the glove is just worn without the shield being active.

This glove is a given as a reward for extraordinary services to priests and champions of Ith-Narmant, the master of shadows, chill and solanaceae. Prolonged use by others might result in the visit of Ith-Narmant's agents.

Displacer Shield

A round shield covered in the dark blue pelt of a magical beast. The wielder of the shield appears to be one foot away from their actual location. In addition to the AC bonus of a normal shield, the displacement effect gives any attacker a -1 on their attack rolls.

Any other action that involves the need to know the location of the shield's wielder, like a cleric's healing touch or chucking a weapon to the displaced fighter, also either requires a successful perception roll at -1 or incurs a -1 on the roll for the action, as applicable.

Double Displacer Shield

As displacer shield, but combining pelts from two magical beasts, displacing the wielder two feet and resulting in -2 on all applicable rolls.

Paineater

Not a shield per se, this symbiotic magical bug can be implanted in the back of one's hand or forearm. In its dormant state, it looks like a big grey wart. When the host loses hit points, the wart quickly grows into a buckler sized shell and sprouts up to 4 chitinous tentacles that actively deflect further attacks.

The AC bonus is equal to the lost hit points, up to a maximum of +4. Each attack that does not hit the host reduces this AC bonus by 1. Further hit point loss increases it again (up to +4). Any healing of hit points also reduces the bonus AC.

The arm hosting a paineater bug cannot be used to wield a weapon or sword. Extracting the bug is only possible by cutting it out of the flesh, resulting in 4 damage.

Batbanes

Sometimes called Batbane Women or simply Bat Women, some claim that these chimeras are the offspring of a single woman or group of women that were once human, but struck by a terrible curse for an evil deed they committed. Others suspect that they are the unfortunate results of forbidden experiments with devilish wizardry.

Batbane Women look like a hideous crossbreed of a human female and a bat. Most of their once human features are hidden under monstrous deformities. Leathery batwings stretch from the legs to their elongated arms, with hands and feet ending in long claws. Their mouths are full of sharp teeth and their ears are big and pointy. They are partially covered in a silky black fur, but have patches of bare skin. The hairless spots differ in size and position from one Batbane to the next, with the exposed skin often showing a sickly and pale appearance. Their faces are usually but not always hairless.

The Batbanes are capable of flying for short periods of time, and prefer to attack their prey with dives from above. They can use the claws on their feet to grab and carry away their victims, if those are not much heavier than themselves. Due to their ability to produce and perceive ultrasonic sounds, they can maneuver in absolute darkness and are almost impossible to surprise. Their instincts and behavior are very feral and although they can subsist purely on drinking blood, they tend to also rip apart and eat some of the flesh of their prey in the process of feeding. They get their main sustenance from wild animals, but prefer the more potent humanoid blood when the opportunity presents itself. They eschew the sun, sleep through the day in dark places and only come out to hunt at night.

The curse of the Bat Women is lifted during two nights per year, on the summer and winter solstice. In these nights, their bodies and minds transform back to their human origins, and they are driven to seek the companionship of other human beings. Though still feral in nature, they regain some intelligence and a rudimentary ability to speak. Some Batbanes even grow attached to certain individuals they meet during these nights and try to revisit them again at a later solstice. Usually, their new friends are totally oblivious to the Batbane's true nature. Although a Batbane in human form is generally in a friendly and social mood, they can still get very dangerous if they feel threatened. In very rare cases, when pushed too far, they may even transform back to their inhuman form before the night is over, with dire consequences for anyone nearby.

Some whisper that if a benevolent soul could unravel the original cause for their curse and redeem it, all of them would be saved from their fate, and could live free from the curse or at least die in peace.

DCC RPG stats:

Batbane: Init +2; Atk claws +1 melee (1d4); AC 12; HD 1d8; MV 30’ or fly 30’; Act 1d20; SP pick up opponents after a successful flying attack (avoid with DC 11 Fort save) and drop them from 10' (1d6 damage), never surprised; SV Fort +1, Ref +2, Will +1; AL N.

Ith-Narmant's Lantern

This black metal lantern was crafted by the artificer warlocks of Ith-Narmant, the master of shadows, chill, and solanaceae. It has a black leather hood made from humanoid skin, is always cold to the touch and never exudes heat even while burning. It shines an eerie, dim, unnatural bluish light in a radius of 50 feet.

The special oil used in Ith-Narmant's Lantern will burn for up to 4 hours or 24 turns and can only be made with an elaborate ritual, a sacrifice and the blessing of a cleric of Ith-Narmant. If utilizing this oil as a thrown weapon, it will inflict 1d8 cold heat damage on a successful hit and 1d4 cold heat damage on the following two rounds (this can only be prevented with resistance to both magical fire and magical cold).

Animals will never freely enter or stay in the light of Ith-Narmant's Lantern. Characters and monsters of non-chaotic alignment must make a saving throw against magic to enter or stay in the lantern's light. If they fail, they can still enter or stay inside the illuminated area, but will feel very uncomfortable, get -2 on all rolls and try to escape the light after a certain number of rounds (Wisdom score determines the maximum number of rounds for characters, double hit dice does the same for monsters). They cannot try to re-enter the light before one turn has passed.

Ith-Narmant's Lantern can be lit and used by any class. It grants the shadow tunnel ability to everyone in its light. Shadow tunneling allows entering a shadow and emerging from another shadow. Both shadows have to be cast by the blue rays of the lantern, so only shadows from objects or living things that are inside the light radius of the lantern qualify. The destination shadow has to be chosen at the time of entering. If this shadow does not qualify anymore when trying to emerge from it, the traveller is lost in the shadow realm (see table result 6). The complete shadow tunneling takes three rounds: one for entering, one for travelling, and one for emerging.

Shadow tunneling actually means travelling through the shadow realm of Ith-Narmant, and comes not without dangers. Every time when shadow tunneling, make an unmodified d20 roll. On a 1, there are complications (see table).

Shadow Tunneling Complications (1d6):

1. Receive a demonsign of Ith-Narmant. This can take many forms, but most commonly results in a pitch black mark on the skin that does not reflect any light. These signs are recognized by demon hunters and inquisitors. 
2. You lose a valuable item in the shadow realm.
3. A Shadow emerges along with the traveller (see S&W Complete, page 112).
4. Lose your own shadow for 1d6 days. During this time, you cannot regain lost hp.
5. You are chilled to the bone and temporarily lose 1d6 Strength. If this brings your Strength to 0, you die and are transformed into a Shadow (see S&W Complete, page 112). Your lost Strength returns after 9 turns. If you die before that happens, you are also transformed into a Shadow.
6. If you do not yet have a demonsign, you receive one and emerge normally. Otherwise, if you are already marked with a demonsign of Ith-Narmant, you do not emerge from, but are instead lost in the shadow realm of Ith-Narmant. Your friends might try to come and rescue you, if they are brave or foolish enough.

Originally written for the magic item contest over at Tenkar's Tavern, for use with Swords & Wizardry Complete - but of course you can easily use it with any other fantasy RPG. If you're using it with the DCC RPG, I'd suggest to roll on the corruption tables when a character receives a demonsign; and you'll find a Shadow monster on page 425 of the rulebook.

You can find a bit more information about Ith-Narmant in Crawl!#7, along with another of his magic items, the Shadowsword of Ith-Narmant, including DCC RPG stats. 

Teratic Tome DCC: Onlooker

Dead Cyclops presents a DCC RPG conversion for a monster from +Rafael Chandler's Teratic Tome. If you like this, check out the Kickstarter for Rafael's new bestiary: Lusus Naturae.


The Onlooker belongs to a class of monsters called audiences, so let's talk about those first...


Audiences

Created by the Tenebrous Halflings of the Infinite Crypt, audiences were once among the most dreaded of monsters.

When several of the Tenebrous Halflings neared death, they would perform a necromantic ritual that transferred their souls into a monstrous body that had been stitched together by their chirurgeons. Within this new body, a floating sack of flesh adorned with tentacles, each audience was a collection of diverse personalities.

The audience then continued to stalk the silent corridors of the Infinite Crypt, gathering information, tormenting lesser beings, and assembling troves of forbidden knowledge.

Then Shauva Tiridan, the mad mage, took their eyes.

A wizard of unimaginable power, she hunted down every audience and carved out its eyes to create her legion of ambulators (q.v.).

Now blind and insane, the audiences still glide through dark tunnels, but their mutilator died years ago, so they have no one to vent their rage on save for the occasional adventurer who blunders into their path. Though eyeless, an audience is nonetheless acutely aware of its surroundings, and is not penalized for blindness -- nor is it affected by illusions, or spells such as darkness.

Each audience has the power (and the intellect, and the souls) of several ancient halfling mages, but much of that strength was blunted when the eyes were taken; still, an audience is a formidable foe.

Onlooker: Init +3; Atk tentacled mouth +8 melee (1d8+2) or central maw +8 melee (2d6); AC 18 (tentacles: AC 14); HD 12d8+30 (3hp per tentacle); MV 40’; Act 11d20; SP spellcasting +12, 1/day each: Magic missile, Dispel magic, Scare, Gust of wind, Slow, Force manipulation, Polymorph, Paralysis, Magic shield, Sleep, Spider web; SV Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +8; AL L.


The onlooker appears as a large sphere of greenish-blue tissue, from which dangle 10 tentacles of different lengths. An enormous mouth protrudes from the four-foot-wide central sphere, and each of the tentacles ends in a chattering mouth. The monster sweats a milky substances that reeks of fresh fruit.

Often found near crypts, ossuaries, or graveyards, the onlooker's eleven souls bicker and argue incessantly, debating the necromantic lore that once was their bailiwick. Now, eyeless and stripped of many powers, they float through dust-blanketed necropoleis in search of the interesting-tasting cadavers that sustain them (and occasionally serve as raw material for an experiment of some kind).

If approached, the onlooker will stop chattering long enough to bite with its tentacled mouths (3-10 points of damage) or its central maw (2-12 points); if it feels that the enemy is a dangerous enough to warrant it, the central maw can spit forth magic missiles (6d4+6, 180' range, once per day), and the ten other mouths can utter the following spells (once per day each):

1. Dispel magic 
2. Scare 
3. Gust of wind 
4. Slow 
5. Force manipulation 
6. Polymorph 
7. Paralysis 
8. Magic shield
9. Sleep 
10. Spider web

More Teratic Tome DCC goodness: 

• Acronical 
• Dreg-Stalker 
• Bothrian 
• Scavenger

All material from Teratic Tome used with permission.

Teratic Tome DCC: Scavenger

Dead Cyclops presents a DCC RPG conversion for a monster from +Rafael Chandler's Teratic Tome. If you like this, check out the Kickstarter for Rafael's new bestiary: Lusus Naturae.

Scavenger: Init +1; Atk bone dagger +0 melee (1d3); AC 10; HD 1d8; MV 60' or fly 90’; Act 1d20; SV Fort +1, Ref +1, Will +0; AL N.

Winged humanoids with grey feathers and scabby pink faces, scavengers look like human-vulture hybrids. They reek of the carrion that they feed on.

Most scavengers cultivate symbiotic relationships with powerful predators, which can include carnivorous dinosaurs, giant spiders, or humanoids such as gnolls or bugbears.

Using its piercing caw, and taunting its targets with the few common-tongue obscenities that it knows, the scavenger tries to lure its prey towards the predator, which then attacks. After the other creature has killed the target, the scavenger picks the scraps of meat off the bones.

Though it carries no treasure, the ruqoloi itself is worth a decent amount, as its exoskeleton is valued by many apothecaries (who create various medicines from the material). A damaged corpse can fetch five hundred gold from a wealthy chemist, and an undamaged body can bring ten times that amount.

A scavenger may also attempt to lure a group of adventurers into a dangerous location, such as a trap-heavy dungeon, by dropping coins which it has looted from various corpses -- scavengers have no use for money, but do love shiny things, so these coins will usually be retrieved afterward.

In combat, scavengers use makeshift daggers wrought from bones (1-3) or any weapons they can pilfer. Their treetop nests are stuffed full of useless items (spoiled iron rations, moldy bread, a four-foot length of rope with a bloody frayed end) and a few bits of treasure.

More Teratic Tome DCC goodness: The Acronical, Dreg-Stalker, Bothrian

All material from Teratic Tome used with permission.