Yessir, the god of following absurd orders, was originally written for the Expanded Petty Gods project by Gorgonmilk. There were a lot more chaotic godlings submitted at that time, so I tried to come up with a cool lawful petty god.
Symbol: A full visor helmet with a fist held to the temple
Movement: 120' (40')
Armor Class: By armor, reduced by 5 (for descending AC)
Hit Points (Hit Dice): 72 hp (16 HD)
Attacks: 1, see below
Damage: By weapon, see below
Hoard Class: VI
Yessir is the god of following absurd orders and a favorite among soldiers of many armies. Out of the ordinary for a lawful god, he is only revered in secret, as openly worshipping him is usually treated as a major offense and punished accordingly. His covert followers are legion in both senses of the word, but they are unorganized. All veneration is clandestine and only shared with true comrades-in-arms.
Privates pray to Yessir every time they are given an order that is, in their opinion, pointless, ineffective or futile. The high art of quick prayer to Yessir consists of uttering his name while in the presence of superiors who have given the order, then mumbling a quiet rebuttal, and following it with touching their temple with their fist as soon as they feel unobserved. The faithful believe that the better the rebuttal and the more pronounced the gesture, the more help Yessir will provide as they fulfill the absurd order. There are untold legends of soldiers on a suicide mission miraculously surviving only through the divine intervention of Yessir.
Yessir appears as a soldier in armor customary to the world where he manifests. His armor is always of the highest quality, well-kept, and donned perfectly. His face remains ever hidden behind a helmet with a full visor. He wears military insignia of the lowest rank.
If Yessir is directly involved in a battle, he never breaks battle formation and always fights on the front line. He wields any weapon that a low-ranking soldier might carry with brutal efficiency. He always rolls an additional damage die and any 1s rolled for damage become the highest possible result for the die instead.
He can command allies and enemies alike within earshot. Yessir’s orders are usually extremely absurd but not lethal on their own. He can give one order per round, but he can never try to command a single target more than once per battle. If the target fails a saving throw against spells, he has to comply with the order.
If a soldier requests help or protection while following an order from a superior, there is a chance that Yessir will assist him. Roll a d20 and apply the soldier’s Wisdom modifier. Additional bonuses may be given at the GM’s discretion, based on how dutifully the soldier has followed orders recently (any disobedience should be punished with negative modifiers), how well the quick prayer was performed, and how absurd the order was. Yessir’s support will vary depending on the roll, but a result of 20 or higher is required to gain his attention. His help can range from minor protection (e.g. a small AC bonus) to a manifestation of Yessir himself. Yessir will never aid a soldier to fulfill a reasonable order or if the soldier does not intend to fully execute the order. Yessir only answers prayers from members of the military or decorated veterans.